So, I filled out a profile on a dating website, yes I broke down I am now out there for all the Internet nuts to find me in hopes that there is a good guy out there. Any way as I filled out the profile one of the sections is "what do think a lot about?", what do I think a lot about? Of course being that it is a dating website I thought it not best to put out there as a single girl I think a tremendous amount about guys, relationships, family future. I believe that the whole lack of boyfriend situation is top on my thoughts list followed by God and the path that he has set for me and how close I am to it. Should my answer not have been that I think the most about God, how wonderful he is.

Surly my thoughts should not be consumed by things of this world.

I have not been sleeping well lately manly due to the offensive and ungodly relationship that has developed between my self and a coworker. I am struggling daily to hang on to my convictions and what I believe God to have promised me for a life and possible husband. Or I guess just what I think that God would want me to have. how does one separate ones self from temptation that lurkes around the corner and with in ones self.

I was talking to a friend on the phone the other night that at one point we were in a sort of unofficial dating relationship, I ended it the best I could, it took some time, I had had a sense that it was not right and that he was not the right person for me. But no talking to him on the phone I feel that he still has a thing for me, he has always been very complimentary, but now he has started asking questions and saying things that would refer to the two of us being together. He is a strong Christian man, kind and respectful and caring. is it strange that this started freaking me out a long time ago an done of the reasons I do not want to be with him, it's like he is too good, too positive. I am thoroughly turned of by him now, although I think he likes me instead I go to work and continue to play a game that is bound to blow up in my face unless I get a handle on it and go back to God. this man at work is egotistical, immature, even has a tattoo on his arm that says Bad guy. i have not wanted to believe that he was a bad guy I want to trust him, but I just feel that he is messing with me. No commitment, every other day he is distant or sarcastic (more so then usual) not sure exactly how to explain it. None the less I do believe that our relationship is based purely on boasting one another's ego's, more so his then mine. i found that I was truly liking him but have since really opened my eyes to who he is.

Sometimes we can actually have an inteligent converstation, which is quit nice; most of the time we flirt, he is crude and immature. Currently as I type this is begging for attention sitting only feet from me. I have discovered this that it is meaning our relationship is all about attention for him, talk to me tease me, encourage me, compliment me. He constantly is looking for who is watching him talking about him what have you. He found the weak link as feel for the cute funny and sometimes intellegent sides. then there is the man who he really is who may never settle down never have a strong sense of self and always have the ladies attention.

I wrote some time ago so I don't know if it makes any sense any more.