Thursday, August 28, 2008
Pics
So you are probably wondering why I am posting pictures that are 4 months. Well one because I have just strated the blog, two beacuse they are the only pictures I have access to via the web and three because a friend called me last night and said that they had just recieved the post card I sent from Africa at the end of April. I have been thinking alot about how I miss the people in SA and how I know I will not be returning for some time. I did not transition well this year and just looked at some of the pictures that the team posted on the web for the first time, eventualy I will post mine as well. I hope that I did it right.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
New Old Blog
Look I found it and it let me in. Yeah. I am moving from AOL there are more options here any way.
So far blogging has been really good for me. I have been able to sort out some thoughts and feelings. I also feel like I am sharing but without boring my friends with some of the same stuff that I have been dealing with. I am sure they are tired of hearing me now they can all chose whether or not to be subjected to it all. Thoose who have viewed the old blog you will see much of the same stuff on here sorry for the repeat I just transfered it.
So far blogging has been really good for me. I have been able to sort out some thoughts and feelings. I also feel like I am sharing but without boring my friends with some of the same stuff that I have been dealing with. I am sure they are tired of hearing me now they can all chose whether or not to be subjected to it all. Thoose who have viewed the old blog you will see much of the same stuff on here sorry for the repeat I just transfered it.
Monday, August 25, 2008
The Passion
I watched The Passion of the Christ for the first time this weekend.
I shared with some friends awhile ago that back two months, June 20th to be exact, I had a vision of myself kissing Christ's feet. I did not and still don't know exactly what this means or symbolizes, but I felt that it was time to have a strong visual interpretation of the passion in my head. Like most people, I had moments of much crying. After the movie I had a greater understanding the severity of the last twelve hours of Christ's judgement and punishment. I couldn't believe that anyone would ever treat any other human this way no matter what they had been accused of. Keeping it real I wonder if the cinematic interpretation showed the true severity or over played it. I lean toward it being the most realistic view we will ever have. I can not help but go to God and consider how He supernaturally sustained His son. I can not fathom that any man could survive anything remotely like the pain Jesus endured. But Christ although flesh was completely God and I believe the father gave Him the strength, endurance, courage to continue despite the pain. Think of it; the will to survive so that He would die on the cross after being beaten with whips and flagra, that will for a man would not remain. However a valid point is made on a web site http://www.jesuspolice.com I just read that if the severity was to the point of Mel Gibson's portrayal why was it not described as so in the Gospels. I referenced my bible just now and it is true that Jesus was struck with whips and fists and spit on Him. Where did this picture of the blood shed we see on the big screen come from?
The Romans always beat their prisoners in a very cruel way. The law of the Jews allowed them to beat men no more than 39 times. The Roman law had no limit. When their prisoners fell down, the Romans picked them up. Then they began to beat them again. Sometimes they killed their prisoners like this. The prisoners' backs became like a field that a farmer has ploughed. Pieces of skin hung from their backs. The Romans had decided that Jesus must die. Now they beat him, by Roman law.
Perhaps from other historical documents that bring to light this information from http://www.easyenglish.info/bible-study/jesus-life/way_to_cross.htm. The soldiers also made cruel jokes about Jesus. They made him a crown out of pieces of sharp branches. (It is unlikely that Jesus wore this to the *cross. The Roman officer would never have allowed it.)
Okay, so maybe I got caught up in the argument, the first web site said that it doubted that his pain was as much physical as it was from the mockery. I think that His pain both cognitive and physical were not as great as the pain He felt for those committing such atrocities. These were the people he was saving and they did not know the pain that they caused them selves. He was not grieving for Himself but for us. So in the end I realized how much God, Jesus, loves me and what my sins cost. Whether the depiction on screen be true or not the visual was good for me. I see where the kissing the feet came from. Christ was there with me on June 20th and I needed to be loving Him but I was not and I continued to not love Him wholly for the next two months. I went to bed this past Friday begging God to not let me lose the feeling I had just developed for Christ; the feeling that I can not wait to be with Him to come to His feet and kiss them. I anticipate a great struggle to maintain this for the rest of my life since thing interrupt my focus but I sure hope that I can always return to this place.
I shared with some friends awhile ago that back two months, June 20th to be exact, I had a vision of myself kissing Christ's feet. I did not and still don't know exactly what this means or symbolizes, but I felt that it was time to have a strong visual interpretation of the passion in my head. Like most people, I had moments of much crying. After the movie I had a greater understanding the severity of the last twelve hours of Christ's judgement and punishment. I couldn't believe that anyone would ever treat any other human this way no matter what they had been accused of. Keeping it real I wonder if the cinematic interpretation showed the true severity or over played it. I lean toward it being the most realistic view we will ever have. I can not help but go to God and consider how He supernaturally sustained His son. I can not fathom that any man could survive anything remotely like the pain Jesus endured. But Christ although flesh was completely God and I believe the father gave Him the strength, endurance, courage to continue despite the pain. Think of it; the will to survive so that He would die on the cross after being beaten with whips and flagra, that will for a man would not remain. However a valid point is made on a web site http://www.jesuspolice.com I just read that if the severity was to the point of Mel Gibson's portrayal why was it not described as so in the Gospels. I referenced my bible just now and it is true that Jesus was struck with whips and fists and spit on Him. Where did this picture of the blood shed we see on the big screen come from?
The Romans always beat their prisoners in a very cruel way. The law of the Jews allowed them to beat men no more than 39 times. The Roman law had no limit. When their prisoners fell down, the Romans picked them up. Then they began to beat them again. Sometimes they killed their prisoners like this. The prisoners' backs became like a field that a farmer has ploughed. Pieces of skin hung from their backs. The Romans had decided that Jesus must die. Now they beat him, by Roman law.
Perhaps from other historical documents that bring to light this information from http://www.easyenglish.info/bible-study/jesus-life/way_to_cross.htm. The soldiers also made cruel jokes about Jesus. They made him a crown out of pieces of sharp branches. (It is unlikely that Jesus wore this to the *cross. The Roman officer would never have allowed it.)
Okay, so maybe I got caught up in the argument, the first web site said that it doubted that his pain was as much physical as it was from the mockery. I think that His pain both cognitive and physical were not as great as the pain He felt for those committing such atrocities. These were the people he was saving and they did not know the pain that they caused them selves. He was not grieving for Himself but for us. So in the end I realized how much God, Jesus, loves me and what my sins cost. Whether the depiction on screen be true or not the visual was good for me. I see where the kissing the feet came from. Christ was there with me on June 20th and I needed to be loving Him but I was not and I continued to not love Him wholly for the next two months. I went to bed this past Friday begging God to not let me lose the feeling I had just developed for Christ; the feeling that I can not wait to be with Him to come to His feet and kiss them. I anticipate a great struggle to maintain this for the rest of my life since thing interrupt my focus but I sure hope that I can always return to this place.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
This Week
Quick recap, my phone died Tuesday because it was exposed to moisture. How you ask? Well one person sort of knows but I can publish it here, I have no pockets in the pants that I wear when I go riding, and I always take my phone with me just in case need less to say the phone is tucked some where safe for the ride that happens to be against my body. Wednesday I had to drop off my car at the dealer to be fixed. Then all of my plans began to go to pot with getting together with some friends. So last night in my frustration I went to a park to sit and read and be alone with God I opened my bible to Song of Songs my goodness you really could look at this a couple of different ways but the thing that stood out to me was this passage and it is repeated through out the poem.
2:7 Women of Jerusalem, promise me by the gazelles and the deer not to awaken or excite my feelings of love until ready.
This hit me because a friend and I were talking about the culture with in the church that there is an immediate speculation and pressure in and toward new relationships about marriage and the seriousness of it. Just think when your girl friends start to date some one we as friends feed right in to or initiate the dream sequence of filling the desire to be joined with a man for the rest of our lives. Does this make sense? Now think about your head when you are in a relationship and where you imagination goes. But if we do not protect ourselves and our sisters are not protecting us but feeding into this dream it's awful when it does not work out and all are disappointed but if we could hold off until ready and the women is asking her friends may be we would not have so much pain in relationships. Not that I am saying dreaming and anticipating is inherently wrong, but I think that maybe well I know that in my next relationship I will stay more grounded.
So I walked through this park that I used to frequent a couple of yours ago. It is a most beautiful display of God's artistry. It is thickly wooded, there is a river that runs through it hills, tall grasses. When I watch the sun set from atop the largest hill I imagine God painting on a canvas a picture for me with my favorite colors. Years ago probably almost 4 now, back when I really thought I knew how to read signs there was a name written across the bridge in the middle of the park. This was the name of a person that I was struggling to let go of. Now a different person with the same name is in my life and the relationship I expected us to have has not worked out. So I walked wondering if the name was still painted on the bridge, as I crossed I felt the anticipation rising up wanting to bargain with God; knowing that this was not an effective strategy; I wanted to ask Him to put that name there and that it would mean that He would bring me and this man back together. The name was not there but I could see pieces of the letters the top of the J and part of the M right where I remember it being, I was not disappointed but felt silly that I would even think that I could will God to send me such a sign.
After I sat a while and the mosquitos had had their fill from my legs I walked back to the top of the hill and sat a bit reading a little more. I saw an older gentlemen tending to a modest flower bed beneath and young tree. My heart was in a place where it was longing for the kind of love that was conveyed in Song of Songs, the love God has promised, so I think that I was receptive to what this man was doing.
I saw a man today in the park tending to weeds it's a public park but planted beneath a lush tree was a modest flower bed. I wondered if it was a memorial or was he just a volunteer. Then a saw a plaque amongst the mulch. As I watched him diligently working I prayed for the love that I was sure he has experienced. For him to be there as the sun was setting he must have loved her abundantly. I am sure that she was beautiful and worth the back ache he would have later. He was quite and peaceful as he worked to make this simple place beautiful.
So what did I get from all of this I wish I could say that I found hope and peace. But I found myself overwhelmed angry with the weeks events and frustrated and even a little bitter not that I want to admit to it but there it is. Of course good things happened to a friend picked me up and drove me to work when I did not have a car and the next day God provided a rental car for, I felt awful because nothing was going right and the car and the phone that I had I was not used. Tuesday hang on to your hats LTG girls if you are reading this, I had a Joel Olsteen moment obviously I did not hang on to it or else the rest of the detail on the week would not have affected me. Any way as I returned to the Verizon store after 3 other cell phone stores and the the guy helping me was getting my temporary phone to work (the second one I had brought to him), I realized that God cared about the little things and knew how this whole situation was getting to me He provided me with a phone. I know it is small it made me think of the "parking spot", yes ladies I did pray about the phone actually it was more of begging Him to have it work.
ok so I fear that I am rambling now and have nothing profound to share at this time. Signing off.
2:7 Women of Jerusalem, promise me by the gazelles and the deer not to awaken or excite my feelings of love until ready.
This hit me because a friend and I were talking about the culture with in the church that there is an immediate speculation and pressure in and toward new relationships about marriage and the seriousness of it. Just think when your girl friends start to date some one we as friends feed right in to or initiate the dream sequence of filling the desire to be joined with a man for the rest of our lives. Does this make sense? Now think about your head when you are in a relationship and where you imagination goes. But if we do not protect ourselves and our sisters are not protecting us but feeding into this dream it's awful when it does not work out and all are disappointed but if we could hold off until ready and the women is asking her friends may be we would not have so much pain in relationships. Not that I am saying dreaming and anticipating is inherently wrong, but I think that maybe well I know that in my next relationship I will stay more grounded.
So I walked through this park that I used to frequent a couple of yours ago. It is a most beautiful display of God's artistry. It is thickly wooded, there is a river that runs through it hills, tall grasses. When I watch the sun set from atop the largest hill I imagine God painting on a canvas a picture for me with my favorite colors. Years ago probably almost 4 now, back when I really thought I knew how to read signs there was a name written across the bridge in the middle of the park. This was the name of a person that I was struggling to let go of. Now a different person with the same name is in my life and the relationship I expected us to have has not worked out. So I walked wondering if the name was still painted on the bridge, as I crossed I felt the anticipation rising up wanting to bargain with God; knowing that this was not an effective strategy; I wanted to ask Him to put that name there and that it would mean that He would bring me and this man back together. The name was not there but I could see pieces of the letters the top of the J and part of the M right where I remember it being, I was not disappointed but felt silly that I would even think that I could will God to send me such a sign.
After I sat a while and the mosquitos had had their fill from my legs I walked back to the top of the hill and sat a bit reading a little more. I saw an older gentlemen tending to a modest flower bed beneath and young tree. My heart was in a place where it was longing for the kind of love that was conveyed in Song of Songs, the love God has promised, so I think that I was receptive to what this man was doing.
I saw a man today in the park tending to weeds it's a public park but planted beneath a lush tree was a modest flower bed. I wondered if it was a memorial or was he just a volunteer. Then a saw a plaque amongst the mulch. As I watched him diligently working I prayed for the love that I was sure he has experienced. For him to be there as the sun was setting he must have loved her abundantly. I am sure that she was beautiful and worth the back ache he would have later. He was quite and peaceful as he worked to make this simple place beautiful.
So what did I get from all of this I wish I could say that I found hope and peace. But I found myself overwhelmed angry with the weeks events and frustrated and even a little bitter not that I want to admit to it but there it is. Of course good things happened to a friend picked me up and drove me to work when I did not have a car and the next day God provided a rental car for, I felt awful because nothing was going right and the car and the phone that I had I was not used. Tuesday hang on to your hats LTG girls if you are reading this, I had a Joel Olsteen moment obviously I did not hang on to it or else the rest of the detail on the week would not have affected me. Any way as I returned to the Verizon store after 3 other cell phone stores and the the guy helping me was getting my temporary phone to work (the second one I had brought to him), I realized that God cared about the little things and knew how this whole situation was getting to me He provided me with a phone. I know it is small it made me think of the "parking spot", yes ladies I did pray about the phone actually it was more of begging Him to have it work.
ok so I fear that I am rambling now and have nothing profound to share at this time. Signing off.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Response
In reponse to a web discussion on Amazon:
We are all human and by the grace of God are forgiven; at the same time because we are human we struggle to forgive others. We are not perfect nor are we expected to be only Christ is perfect. As a follower of Christ I am just that. I am not a religious person, I am faithful and hopeful that God the one and only true God; the creator who knows me and my heart and will be my judge. I will not be judged those in this country who continually disrespect God and His continued love and faithfulness to every human.
If we trust Him He will provide for our every need money aside. So should in God we trust be removed from our bills? I don't see how it makes a difference those who trust God will put their faith in Him in regards to their country and money regardless. However every time we leave God out of it the further we get from Him and His blessings.
We are all human and by the grace of God are forgiven; at the same time because we are human we struggle to forgive others. We are not perfect nor are we expected to be only Christ is perfect. As a follower of Christ I am just that. I am not a religious person, I am faithful and hopeful that God the one and only true God; the creator who knows me and my heart and will be my judge. I will not be judged those in this country who continually disrespect God and His continued love and faithfulness to every human.
If we trust Him He will provide for our every need money aside. So should in God we trust be removed from our bills? I don't see how it makes a difference those who trust God will put their faith in Him in regards to their country and money regardless. However every time we leave God out of it the further we get from Him and His blessings.
Love
I have designed my own web page on myAOL, and I have added many qoutes of the day, I really enjoy the love qoutes here are some of them.
"Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few." George Jean Nathan
Unfortunately there are those who refuse to love or be loved.
"I think we have all experienced passion that is not in any sense reasonable."
Stephen Fry
I don't feel that reason and logice have anything to do with the passion of love.
This one is my favorite:
"Love involves a peculiar unfathomable combination of understanding and misunderstanding" Diane Arbus
I feel that this is kind of like the love of God, sometimes it makes no sense, others it makes complete sense.
"Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life." Leo Buscaglia
I agree.
My friend sent this to me months ago and I really love what its says ans feel that this is message I have been trying to share with people latley.
No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE. No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE.
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." FROMM
"Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few." George Jean Nathan
Unfortunately there are those who refuse to love or be loved.
"I think we have all experienced passion that is not in any sense reasonable."
Stephen Fry
I don't feel that reason and logice have anything to do with the passion of love.
This one is my favorite:
"Love involves a peculiar unfathomable combination of understanding and misunderstanding" Diane Arbus
I feel that this is kind of like the love of God, sometimes it makes no sense, others it makes complete sense.
"Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life." Leo Buscaglia
I agree.
My friend sent this to me months ago and I really love what its says ans feel that this is message I have been trying to share with people latley.
No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE. No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE.
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." FROMM
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Moving On
I am anxious a good anxious. I have registered for school. I did not get any of my sciences, but I am starting with some interesting courses in philosophy and sociology and humanities. I start classes next Friday.
I just bought my sisters tickets to Wicked for Christmas, I have just spent a ton of money on books and classes. yikes.
Other then that things are going well, my life is moving forward. God please be my guide and my strength. Lord I pray that you will provide the finances and that I would not get anxious about anything
I just bought my sisters tickets to Wicked for Christmas, I have just spent a ton of money on books and classes. yikes.
Other then that things are going well, my life is moving forward. God please be my guide and my strength. Lord I pray that you will provide the finances and that I would not get anxious about anything
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Romance Blah
It seems that I am not the only one that makes the mistakes that I do in relationships. Which helps me to feel normal however still broken because these mistakes are not good and do not progress relationships but helps to end them. My comfort is in God that He will repair me and instruct me on the proper handling of relationships.
A friend told me that I must wait on God, to hope fot the promises that God has given and believe them in Christ. But I need to stop thinking that I know who and when it should be. I need to trust my Father that He knows best and His timing though not mine is perfect timing.
A friend told me that I must wait on God, to hope fot the promises that God has given and believe them in Christ. But I need to stop thinking that I know who and when it should be. I need to trust my Father that He knows best and His timing though not mine is perfect timing.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Romance
I walked into work today and apparently my coworkers were talking about me one of them their daughter was playing pretending to get married and I think that this made him roll a little but then the other was talking about how I am ready to be married and how I have been ready.
I am realizing right now that in God's time it will all happen, and as ready as I think I am I am not. I am a child inside sometimes when it comes to timing and what I want and romantic relationships I don't really know how to handle it any better then any one else.
Well more up beat; my friends are getting married and I am so excited it is coming soon and there is so much for them to get done. I pray that God be the God of details.
to top the excitement other friends of mine seem to be in really good relationship places and I am so excited.
I am realizing right now that in God's time it will all happen, and as ready as I think I am I am not. I am a child inside sometimes when it comes to timing and what I want and romantic relationships I don't really know how to handle it any better then any one else.
Well more up beat; my friends are getting married and I am so excited it is coming soon and there is so much for them to get done. I pray that God be the God of details.
to top the excitement other friends of mine seem to be in really good relationship places and I am so excited.
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