Psalm 13

Last night God shared with me His understanding of my heart, as I lie waiting to sleep I opened my bible to this passage, God showed me how I was hurting;

Psalm 13 (New International Version)
For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

Let me highlight exactly what I was feeling, the verses just jumped off the page at me, I fell asleep with verse 2 resounding in my head and awoke at some point to have verses 5 and 6 circulating;

2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Daily I struggle with my enemy in the form of my coworkers challenging me, my loneliness, lust, anger, fear,sorrow, you name it. It all sits heavily on my heart, I begin to feel defeated.

3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

I beg God for clarity, for answers, for direction, for the things that I hope for and feel as if I have no answers. My mind lingers on the edge of reason and bargaining with God, which I know can not be done. I ask for His light before I fall back into death.

4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

I feel as though the devil is sitting in waiting, waiting for me to give up. Give up my life that is in Christ, my convictions, beliefs and faith. The devil gets in to my head in the middle of prayer and contemplation, he stands in my path, he speaks in my ear and dances around me throwing old and new temptations in my face. And here my mind settles on asking why.
Why have I not what I desire, why is God not answering me, who is to love and take care of me, why do I lack peace, joy and trust? Why do I make decisions that lead me away from God?

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

Who am I to think that God has turned His face from me? I have turned form Him. Who am I to ask for anything of my God?
God opened this passage to me and answered me, King David had no shame in asking for protection, guidance, to be near God or for God to be present in King David's own faith shaking turmoil, and through everything God did not leave David.
God wants me to ask ,He wants to answer, He loves me and wants me to love Him. He wants to be praised for His unfailing love for me.
It may not be clear how I got all of this from this passage but I know with out a doubt that God was coming to me in my time of need. I know that he knows, even if I don't feel I am getting an answer. He has not ignored my tears, my crying out, my words mumbled or my thoughts, and He compassionately showed me that He knows but did not reprimand me for my thoughts but that He understands.