I am listening to OAR again, it has become my anthem album for the time being. It seems to speak clearly of the last few months and a particular relationship that has plagued me. I talks about the difficulty of turning to and from the a relationship that is not right. I talks about how things do not have to change and that the two people can remain strange I see me and this guy exactly like that we did not have to change anything and we could have just stayed the way that we were. Speaks of trying to figure out what happened and "maybe it's just me".
Any way, reconciliation, of what I don't know, is in the process with this person. I am looking forward to God's will and protection as this person is reentering my life and we have yet to establish what the safest boundaries are. Part of me is happy that I was able to be honest with them today and that we were able to talk but still sad and scared that we can never be the same for if we do it can lead down this same devastating road. At the same time part of me wants to hope against my logic that the reason we keep doing this to each other is because we both care about one another and are so broken that we can not function. I want to believe that he is far more broken then I but is he. My head says that he is so not the right person for me and my heart goes up and down. i hope that with our conversation today we will see that I get over all of this and he and I move on with God in our ears with what is right.