too much!

I don't know the last time I have ever been so angry, and felt so demeaned, how do you become friends with some one who does not get you in the least and in fact you do not even get along that well? I know that I am emotional sometimes but sometimes we all need to be, we are not robots. I try hard to not be emotional with some people for fear that I will be told that I am wrong or being silly, I try to communicate clearly what I am feeling. I know I will not always be agreed with but give a girl a break there is obviously something going on. Lately I have felt out of control of my life and not in a good way, like God being in control, I feel disconnected even though there are people here.

I do not like my job and can not stop complaining about school. I feel so overwhelmed and I know some of it I have done to myself, but what about the rest. I have reached out with good response but sometimes I have to be careful to who to reach out to. I have great friends that have listened to me complain or talk or cry about the same things for months but there is only so much that they can do. I am trying to be strong I am trying to have hope and joy the more I try the harder it seems to be. I am so tired of trying so hard and being so angry for so long. Now where do I turn?

Sorry to rant, I know that my life could be worse but I hope that it gets better, and soon. I used to wonder how people that seemed perfectly healthy and intelligent could crack under pressure and here I am only 3 weeks into my second semester and about to lose it, maybe God is humbling me.

In the midst of it all I know that He is here I praise Him for all that He has done and will do, for by His grace alone I will get through this. I will miss some work, I will miss my family, I will miss out on South Africa this year, and I may lose some friendships that I will mourn greatly, and many things may change in my life I pray that I will be guided by the light of Christ and move forward in His comfort and graces.