Time in motion

So I could spend this time reflecting on the last year and all that has changed good and not so good. It's been pretty emotional but the future is looking a little brighter not to be too cliche or anything. I continue to struggle with some of the same things but I feel that there may be progress here particularly with my relationship with Christ. It took a friend saying to me that she loves that I have such a desire to be intimate and closer with Jesus. Then I realized that it's not that I don't have Him I just want more out of our relationship; but I continue to block it with my irrational decisions to seek love and intimacy in humans rather then God and I felt that I was just battling Him for something that I already am promised. I was telling this friend that I was angry over a certain situation and ready to move on. And that I feared that I do not know how to let myself be loved. I guess that I waited too long to write this because I can not remember all that lead up to the conversation I remember crying and venting but I have to say it was a divine moment the Holy spirit was present and I felt so much of God's love with me after that night.

I have had the opportunity to see many of my friends this year make major life decisions lead by Christ, engagements moving for work, ministry, school all a blessing. Others and I feel kinda lost in the shuffle and a little lonely even, searching for God's plan for each of us.

I recently have reengaged with Jesus serving the community and loving my Veterans i know that they don't all have upstanding lives and have met trials of their own doing and that of others but they loved just as much as my self and my friends that are so yearning to be loved. This past weekend my friends and I served at a local food pantry and what a humbling and beautifully exhausting experience. I met people there and got to hear their stories whether new or old stories they are moving and the Holy Spirit moved me to be able to pray with and for these patrons in their time of need. If any of you know me praying out loud is a fear of mine so this is really a blessing. In the last couple years I have felt compelled to pray with others and it goes well but only by God's grace. Anyway there was this young lady that after I did her interview I asked if there was anything that I could pray for her, she politely declined and said no I am and atheist, but then she asked how she could get connected and serve at the food pantry. I was floored and praised God in that moment and several following because this food pantry is in the basement of a church and run by other churches that volunteer there. I gave the young lady the information she would need to come help out, please pray that she returns many times to be served and to serve. Pray that while there the Lord would meet her and bless her in ways she never knew possible. Pray above anything that she would know the love of Jesus.

I am also learning to let go a little, which is a constant theme for me. I am learning to give it a try what ever as long as it is not harmful or against God. Keeping my mind open to many possibilities and letting God know that I am open to options.
Options/plans at this time:
NA certification
Apply for and finish nursing degree
Move to Italy
Return to South Africa 2010
Go sky diving this summer ( I knowing coming to the end of the summer)
Date and be okay doing so with an open non judgemental mind but protect myself at the same time from, well the guys I usually fall for.